Friday, May 14, 2010

They're Back! DeathVaders

Yes, that's right. The Goldman Sachs we all know and love returns to the table with new creative energy. Death Bonds. Too cool. They have now figured out a way to steal the last financial legacy of a humans existence. Life insurance. This opens up a vast expanse of possibilities in the derivatives market:

Steroid Bonds: the combined fines of pro athletes caught juicing.

Toyo Bond:
based on the actual confirmed number of sudden acceleration deaths which impact Toyota owners in temperate zones of the continental US not occurring in ultra-dense habitation zones, prior to the creation of a zero sum agreement between Toyota USA and such federal regulators as wish a future of seven digit compensation remits. The requisite hollow, meaningless, tongue in cheek apology will not impact Bond Value beyond the minimum VaR determined by The Market on a Normalized Mark It Up Your Ass accounting basis. (NMIUYA acounting has been the industry standard since those lazy, good for nothing, working slobs discovered Prozac and quit paying their bills.) This product is representative of the industry standard in complex, rationally designed, investment vehicles. (Product core value could go to zero due to successful evasion and prevarication by Toyota USA, product volatility could exceed certain clients risk appetite).

Oil Bath Band:
Notional value will be equal to the difference between what BP, in a non-market, structured economy, would be liable for; and the actual costs associated with cleaning a minor oil spill in a market economy. (Short Caution: Notional value could go to infinity.)

Big C Bond: Very similar to a death bond. After purchasing cancer riders from certain high risk individuals, the notional value shall be deemed to be the difference between the cost of medically standard treatment, which after purchase of the riders becomes internalized to the fund on the asset side due to non-treatment. This market allows health care providers the opportunity to enhance profits by purchasing upper (Aaa) tranche positions while warehousing and monetizing underutilized assets, i.e. physical plants, high tech diagnostic equipment, transport, employee retirement funds, etc.

Check out Death To Deathbonds and send Sir Lloyd Blanklook a drop dead message.

Sally Kohn in the Jaws Of the Monster:

An Ambivalent Liberal Love Song - Sally Kohn

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Americans: One and All

TED is back, with insight. Our temporally challenged super blogger has hit another one out of the park. He provides US with a painfully incisive sovereign psycho-analysis. We admire success if you are Babe Ruth, not Mark McGuire. We love the Yankees because of the Cubs. Personally, I never did get the Dave Matthews thing. Ever the optimist, he leaves US with this footnote:
4 History is littered with the smoldering wreckage of nations and peoples who mistook Americans' native optimism for childish naïvete, softness, or lack of resolve in the face of difficult struggles. It is unwise to underestimate us.

What he said.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Bedazzled Vajayjay??

I don't normally do gossip or self-absorbed celebrities, but... a vajazzled Kathy Gifford is certainly happier than some pro-athletes I can think of. Seems sort of like a derivative to me. Take a bunch of sub-prime shit and dress it up to look like Aaa stuff. Could be a business model here. (Shout out to Jennifer Love H...).

Thursday, May 6, 2010

BP: a Slick operator?

Greg Palast at Truthout authors this indictment of BP's ongoing criminal behavior. Seems like BP is definitely a bottom feeder.

This AP article from The Huffington Post seems to corroborate Mr. Palasts analysis. First BP ignored the rules, then broke the rules, then they lied and now we're fucked past the point of comprehension. If it weren't for MMS getting a little on the side, I would feel like we were being taken advantage of.

BP is not letting a small setback interrupt their business plans, Iraq and roll with the Russians. BP and Russia. Now there is a Cheech and Chong gig.

Florida, "Come On Down!"

Michael Roston at True/Slant pays the ultimate compliment to Mike "Woody" Bennett of the Florida Senate. Here is the video from Sunshine State

Monday, May 3, 2010

Good Business

Someone needs to step on these maggots at BP.This from TPMMuckraker.
BP has been offering $5000 payments to residents of coastal Alabama areas, in exchange for essentially giving up their right to sue the oil giant over its deadly Gulf Coast spill, according to the state's attorney general.

Of course , Bob McDonnell is still pursuing his masturbatory fantasy, being governor of little Texas. Some people always think the 'Skins are going to the Superbowl.

Got To Love Krugs

This from Paul Krugman.

Fire On The Water

I have often wondered what would happen if there was a mechanical problem a mile below the ocean. Now we know one possible scenario, which was not difficult to imagine. Perhaps the capability to work in an environment should precede the exploitation of that environment. This report calls into question the disaster protections for deep water oil production, it's a 2004 document so someone spent 6 years jerking off. We have recently been rocked by the inefficiency (read crooked scumbags) in our global financial markets, now the fuel that drives globalization turns to bite US in the ass. Why am I always hearing the name Haliburton associated with scandal and disaster? The market is not happy.

A free for all market mentality has allowed Transocean to become the largest off shore drilling company in the world, with the safety consciousness of Massey Energy. Isn't Don Blankenship a happy man. Even scumbags get lucky.